My glass of wine.

Ok, so being called an addict totally got to me last night. Granted, I was already messed up a bit, but it still bothers me today. So what happened was my hubby screwed up. He doesnt think twice before making decisions that could effect me. I only have 4 more days of work and he cant even be patient till then. He got himself stuck downriver w/out his car(he left it at his buddy's new place in Farmington hills) because he had been drinking and "farming" (sorry for the worst reference ever, but I will explain it in person @Danielle) and didnt want to drive. which, yes, is responsible, and I'm happy he didnt drive, but he now doesnt have a ride to his car until later in the day and I have to work 2-7. I try to be nice and give him some freedom, let him go help his friend move and hang w/the guys for a couple nights, and then I'm stuck in the real world w/the kids and finding a sitter so I can go to work. Guess there's really a chance this might be my life, but still. we havent made that decision yet and its bullshit that I'm always cleaning up his messes. anyway, he did feel really bad bc he knew he messed up by not checking in before leaving his car and I told him I would just have to call Mary again to come babysit if he wasnt gonna be home in time.

so, another quick back story to get to the addict part of the night: recently the hubby said he wants us to stop farming. He tells me this w/hardly any left and I'm not ready. gonna be dealing w/stopping cigs bc he doesnt know about them either. but I'm finally ready to quit those. I know its still a situational reason for me to stop, but at least I feel better about doing it. I want to now. So, I was looking forward to farming, especially over spring break.

So, since he was staying downriver an extra night, I asked if he'd be willing to get just a little bit more for us. And I was NOT trying to use it as a bribe, I was simply asking bc I wanted more. But, he took it as I was saying "hey, your off the hook if you can get me hooked up." When no, I didnt mean it that way. I was going to call Mary and cover his ass in case he wasnt home either way. It was a question, honest, simple question. I'm tired of him trying to change my lifestyle every other day when I feel he's the one who needs to make some changes!! GRR I'm working(for 4 more days), go to school full-time and have an online school program. PLUS, he still wants me to spend any free time w/the kids, clean house, do laundry, remember to pay bills, make phone calls, etc. What does he do then you might ask? If he expects so much from me, he must be pretty busy himself, right? NOPE. he's the stay-at-home Dad. he cleans up the house a little bit sometimes, never cleans a bathroom or the floors though, and the last time I saw him do laundry was only because I already started it and asked him to switch loads for me. He plays w/the kids. thats what he does. and even then if he's having a bad day, so is everyone else. He doesnt work, he doesnt go to school, he doesnt do side projects that keep him busy, no, he's a gamer who's addicted. who has PTSD and cant sleep half the time, who has anger management problems and apparently thinks I have a problem.

So, I called Mary and asked her about watching the kids and she of course said she could do it, but then I jokingly was like, hey he's gonna get me some farm stuff in return for me having to get a sitter bc he's not responsible enough to make good decisions. and she called me an addict. the main reason it pissed me off was bc she's never made it seem like it was a problem before, and it didnt sound like she was joking. Although I was messed up (as I said earlier) so I might have misunderstood, but I doubt it. So, now I dont know if she's mad at me or not, but I'll end up seeing her today so I'll prolly explain the rest of it wasnt my idea to make it a bribe, he's the one who said it that way.

Then when I called hubby back and told him what she said and that it kinda upset me, he was like, well you might be, but we'll talk about that later. ok great thanks, that doesnt make me feel better ya know. So, I want to get it out there how I feel about farming, the reason I do it and why I dont think I'm an addict:

I dont farm all day long. I'm straight all day, I've been super good about keeping up w/my schoolwork, making time for my kids, spending time w/the hubby(when we're not fighting), and still farming at night. I'm gonna have a little more free time bc I'm no longer working in 4 days, I'm getting my shit together to try and make things better w/the hubby and I. I'm planning a workout schedule, a kids learning time w/mommy schedule on top of both schools still for when I'm done working(so starting next week). Some people come home and like to have a glass of wine every night, and nobody says shit to them. Well, farming is MY glass of wine. Its what I like to do to relax in the evening, after the kids go to bed, and after I've got my shit done for the day. I want to farm and relax. How, please explain, how that makes me an addict? is every person in the world who has a glass of wine or a beer on a nightly basis an alcoholic? does it mean they have a problem? I dont think so. I like to farm to relax, and on weekends or w/friends, I like to farm to have fun. Its that simple. I dont think I'm an addict, I just dont want to give up my glass of wine at night.

Thanks for listening to my rant. Enjoy!