Well, I'm not gonna lie, I'm really anxious about only having 3 days left of work. Especially after last night. Things felt so awkward between the hubby and I. He left Friday when I got home from school to go help his friend move. So I was able to let him stay overnight and get in a little guy time. but then he over did it and stayed friday and saturday nights and wasn't able to be home in time for me to go to work on Sunday, so I had to ask my girlfriend who watched them on sat to come watch them again. I need to take her out to lunch or something now. lol I'm really scared that how bad things are now, they will only get worse. I dont know how to act around him. Especially after having an awesome weekend w/out him. I felt accomplished, had fun w/my kids, got my work, hw, and some cleaning/laundry done. plus had me time at night. I hate to say this but I want that. I want that freedom to do what I want and not have to wait to get stuff done till he wakes up in the morning, or having to keep the kids quiet bc he's sleeping, or waiting around till he's done raiding to watch a show or movie bc he said he wanted to then it takes him 30-40 mins after telling me he was done on the computer for us to hang out(last night). I'm tired of waiting on him. I'm a get up and get at it kind of person, I have daily goals and things to get done, I'm tired of feeling held back by him. I feel like everything I say is stupid to him. and thats bc its how he makes me feel, like he's a know-it-all and I dont know shit. I ask a question and he makes me feel stupid for not knowing the answer. Hasn't he ever heard of the saying 'there's no such thing as a stupid question?'
I feel like the only things that seem important to him are money, sex, good looks, and how much useless knowledge you have. I've always been the kind of person to learn something and only remember the basics of it if I dont use the knowledge on a regular basis. That doesn't make me stupid, that means I have to dig a little harder to remember something and I'd rather just ask bc I know I know it, just cant think of it. That's the case most of the time. or I've never heard of something and am oblivious. I dont ever pretend to know everything, but I know what comes out of my mouth. I am sooooo sick and tired of hearing 'yes, thats what you just said!' when no, sorry you must have misheard or misunderstood me bc this is what I said.... and its so similar yet different enough to have a different meaning. example: I looked at a picture of the view from his friends new place, there was a swing on a tree in the middle of the photo, but bc of the snowy background I hadn't seen it the first time I saw it. so I said 'wow, I didn't notice the swing before' and apparently there was a whole swing set on the edge of the picture (that I still hadn't seen) and he thought that I said swing set. ONE WORD. he heard one extra word and it changed what we were talking about and insisted that he was right, thats what I said. every time I open my mouth he hears me wrong and he has to be right. We bicker over the littlest, stupidest things and it drives me crazy. He always asks why I'm so defensive... well I figured it out. its bc he's always accusing me that I'm wrong. I guess its how I'm sticking up for myself. I dont do that nearly enough either bc I'm so tired of the fighting I just give in most the time. I just sit, stare and listen to him rant....
Anyway... I'm tired of having the hubby around all the time. I need him to get out of the house and do something productive. Maybe some miracle will happen and he'll get a part-time job. but I already see that not happening. He's too lazy and figures since he's already the one making the money he shouldn't have to work. I'm hoping to talk him into getting a membership at YMCA or something. just to get him out and about once in awhile. But again, we'll have to see. Now my girlfriend Mary is all about working out together, not just w/me, but weight-lifting w/my hubby too. and no, it doesn't bother me that much. Only thing that makes me worried is that they get along really well, and if she dropped a lot of weight and started looking good, he might be interested. but he told me that if she started looking good he wouldn't workout w/her anymore. so at least I know he wants to be faithful.
If you even have to worry about him macking on your friend, then he isn't someone worth staying with, especially if you don't trust him. Not only that, you should really get out because it sounds like the verbal abuse is getting worse. The kids shouldn't be exposed to that.
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