I must be nuts.

Ok, so I know I'm superstitious and whatnot, and that its not always real, but sometimes the universe just speaks to me. I'm very in-tune with things, my body for example-- if I concentrate hard enough I can feel the blood pumping through my viens among other body functions that just arent normal.  creepy, yes. had it totally freaked me out in the past, yes. am I used to it now, yes. (Dr.'s have told me I'm in-tune w/my body also, so I know I'm not crazy about that part.) lol my point is that I try to channel that toward other things in my life. Whether it works or not, I try to trust my instincts bc they tend to put me on the right path. (trust me I've been fighting certain instincts for a long time but I have good reason to fight too).

Ok, so my reason for writing this blog is my horoscope this morning. Its my last day of class w/the eye candy guy. I've gotten some weird vibes from him, (and I dont wanna get into other details right now.. but its just weird. in a good way--if I werent married.) He has the most gorgeous eyes I've ever seen, but I cant tell him that w/out sounding completely crazy, or like I'm coming on to him. So, I just keep my mouth shut, stare at him when possible, and we chat a little. thats it. no harm done... except when I daydream. but at least its not real and I've never tried to make anything happen, nor would I. So here's what my horoscope said today:

Dreams and fantasies will take up your mental and emotional attention, and you won't be upset by that. You may, however, be amazed that the person you're attracted to is equally willing to dream right along with you.

Wow. last day of class w/him and I'm told (if thats who this references) that he'll dream about me as welll??? whats that about!? now I'm going to be super excited to see him, and super nervous once I do. lol thats how it goes. So, as you can imagine, I am totally anticipating class tonight!!! I cant wait to see him and find out if anything will happen. I need to know how he feels, if that makes any sense. I feel like I always get so wrapped up in this kind of thing, I know there's something, I'm not crazy, but then I wonder if I am bc nothing comes of it and unless the person tells me straight up, I dont believe that they could like me. Usually I feel that they are out of my league, too good for me, or I'm not good enough for them. I'm coming to realize that I should never worry about that  bc I wouldnt really know that until I got to know the person. Well, I have no way of getting to know this one, so I will just have to live w/the thoughts of 'what if'.

And, who knows, There's always a chance that things work in  a way that I will run into him again if I ever am no longer wed. but I'm not trying to root that way. Just letting the universe take its course and trying my best to make things work w/what I have. I do care about and love the man in my life, and we have 2 beautiful and amazing kids, so Its 100% worth putting in all the effort I have remaining. Hopefully its enough, but I am only human. :)




2 WEEKS LATER:
hahaha I saw him again. and will hopefully see him every monday night even though we're not in the same class. we will have break at the same time at the other building at school. I'm so excited. lol he and another guy from our class last term came over and sat with me and another girl from that same class. I hope that continues! :) gotta get going now though.

stress the first day of class!

So, yesterday was the first day of my spring classes and I"m already freaking out about how much work I have ahead of me. It's gonna be a rough 6 to 10 weeks. I have only 6 weeks left to finish my program online... which sucks bc I have so much left to do. Basically I will have no life until that is completed. Only doing the fun things I cant get out of like Easter this weekend. I might even have to skip egg coloring on Sat just to have some alone time at the house to get some done. which is ok.... if it means getting it done and opening up my summer to have just Baker classes, I'll bite. its tough right now bc my hubby is driving me nuts. we have a bedroom torn apart still, working on that project as well.... and I have a couple weeks to get my Aunts wedding pictures in an album for her. That was a lot of fun though. Spring break was fun, I enjoyed myself but I needed to get more penn foster done. I should have focused on that a little more, but oh well. What's done is done and I cant go back in time, otherwise I would go back and already have this stupid online thing finished!!! I'm mad at myself bc I'm gonna hate doing the transcribing once I'm done w/the school part. I'm just not a medical person, I cant always understand the medical words dictated bc I dont have the terminology memorized and I'm in a pickle to try to learn anything really in depth bc I need to just get the exams turned in at this point!

OK.... I need to move on from the rant of my stupid program I hate... so The hubby... another annoying subject. He's driving me mad lately. we dont fight as much, but he has such a short temper of late and the only reason we arent fighting more is bc I keep my mouth shut. I'm so tired of his outbursts, its kinda ridiculus. He snapped at me about one drop of grease that got on his coat in the car... kids with us and all. I'm so tired of him acting like he's perfect when in fact he has some major issues that he just doesnt take care of himself. we just got home sunday night from being at my parents for almost a week. I had classes and went grocery shopping yesterday, busy busy.... what did he do? his OWN laundry, and only unloaded the dishwasher bc I asked him to. the rest of the house... still a mess... did he work on putting our room back together? no, did he actually play with the kids while I was gone? Most likely not by what I saw... I'm so ready to throw out or at least hide all of his video games. they are the end of us. seriously, I normally dont mind him playing but when he knows I'm crazy busy and just sits around all day not accomplishing anything, I'm at my wits end about it.

ok got distracted by a kid... over that rant.
I'm excited and nervous about my classes this term. cant wait for the challenge of the projects and whatnot, just nervous that I wont have the time and engery I would like to put into them.

ok, I already feel behind today, I gotta get started on my to-do list. I'll finish ranting another time. Enjoy!